When the GP asked me what she could do for me today, I sat and stared at her for what felt like an hour! I then burst into tears and proceeded to tell her that I had come to ask to be placed back onto anti depression tablets.

This was November 2018, 5 years earlier I had been sat in front of her asking to be taken off them. This has been a pattern for me since the age of 16. Surprised? Yes most people usually are when I tell them this.

Today was a day I would rather forget but sadly I can’t, and maybe I shouldn’t because it reminds me how strong I actually am. Today I told the GP that some days, actually most days I get into my car to go to work and I consider just driving, driving far far away and just never coming back.

By this point the tears are unstoppable and I find myself telling her in detail how I’d planned my escape from this life. She sat and listened to every word not once interrupting me and then simply asked, “well, why have you not done it?”

I stopped crying instantly looked up at her and   replied, “my children need me”

In that very moment I realised, I can get better, I can beat this and most importantly I obviously want to or I wouldn’t be sat in the GP surgery asking for help.

A few weeks later I lost my job, I was made redundant, so the decision to reach out for help that day had actually been the best decision I was to make that year.

I could go into great detail about the situations that had sank me into this latest depression but the why’s are irrelevant as everyone’s experiences are different and each persons ability to cope with certain situations are different. What is relevant is the very fact that I am choosing to speak out about my own battles with adverse mental health, in the hope that it will encourage others to do the same.

I am not ashamed, I embrace these feelings, I use these experiences to fuel me now. To help me get up and go again! If I need help I will reach out and be heard, if I hear others need help I will reach out and offer mine. This is my reason for sharing my own vulnerabilities with you.

Soon 2020 will be behind us, but for those of us feeling the way I did, and still do on occasion, the challenges with our mental health are not.

This is a huge topic and one that I cannot give justice to in one short blog.

However I just wanted to share my top tip and this may surprise some people as sometimes. Many times actually, Being around others when you are struggling with depression is the last thing you want to do, but what 2020 has taught me is actually this is exactly what I need to do in order to get better.

I think I first realised this in the first lockdown. I was struggling being at home alone with my children as my husband (thank god) was able to work and so this meant he was away from home a lot.

I wanted to exercise as I know this always makes me feel better, but I just could not motivate myself.

So I offered free online sessions to my PT clients and each morning via zoom I would deliver a bodyweight training session to this group of ladies, who themselves in different ways were also struggling with lockdown.

I was inundated with lovely messages of thanks daily, but what these ladies didn’t know is was actually, they were helping me. If it wasn’t for me being able to see and speak to people every day, I don’t think I would have made it through lockdown with my mental health intact.

I realised, that all of my life I have worked in an industry where I serve/help/look after people. I now know it’s because, I need other human beings. This is what helps me to stay well.

Exercise is also a big driver for me, huge in fact. People though, people are meant to be around other people.

So try it, text someone today, call someone or even better get outside and just be around people.

I promise, it helps.

Love Lisa.x

8 Responses

  1. what a great read, im so very proud of your achievements well done. im also on a get fit journey of my own and smashing it which helps with the depression side of things….

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